When sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word

For many people with relational trauma wounds, “sorry” is not just a word, it is a full body event. Your stomach drops, your chest tightens, and suddenly you are eight years old again, worrying that admitting fault will lead to rejection, punishment or emotional distance. No wonder it feels hard. It can even trigger defensive behaviours before you have had a chance to think, because your system is trying to protect you from an old feeling of danger.

But here is the reassuring truth, struggling to apologise is not a moral failing. It is a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned, practised and gently strengthened over time.

If you grew up believing that mistakes made you unlovable, saying sorry can feel like handing someone the power to hurt you. In therapy, we explore that old wiring together. We look at what “sorry” meant in your early relationships and how those experiences shaped your instinct to defend, avoid or brace yourself for impact.

Little by little, you can learn that apologising may not always lead to the triggering of shame or losing your worth. Instead there is a place where it can mean acknowledging your impact while still holding your dignity and humanity.

And here is the beautiful part. Once you feel safe enough to say sorry, connection deepens. Repair becomes possible. Relationships do not break when you get it wrong, they grow when you show up honestly.

🌼 Saying sorry is not weakness. It is courage in motion. It also gets so much easier with practice.

~ Jumbled Bean