Stop Being Nice, Start Being You

People pleasing can look wonderfully kind on the surface, but inside it often comes at a cost. Psychodynamically, it usually begins in childhood with inconsistent or unpredictable caregivers. When love felt uncertain, many children learned to earn approval by being agreeable, easy and forever smoothing the emotional waters. Over time this creates a deep fear of abandonment or conflict and a belief that safety comes from managing other people’s reactions.

This is not weakness. It is a trauma response known as fawning, a defence that once helped you stay connected. You hide your real feelings, especially anger, and shape yourself into the most palatable version possible. The trouble is that this creates an inauthentic life. You may be surrounded by people, yet feel strangely unseen, because the world is responding to the mask rather than the true you.

In therapy, we gently explore where this began. We look at the old fears and unmet needs that shaped this pattern and we experiment with small, brave acts of honesty. No drastic reinvention needed, just tiny moments of truth that help you trust that you can be real and still be safe.

You do not need to be everyone’s favourite person. You just need enough courage to be yourself.

🌼 Authenticity invites real connection.Stop Being Nice, Start Being You

~ Jumbled Bean